[POETRY] Womanhood

Drip conceit upon me like wax,
Hardening against my skin in armored
Pretending. With each wrong word
A hammer cracks against it.
My skin turns sallow with
The baptism of opinions from mouths
That don’t even know the taste
Of femininity.

I cross myself with fertile words.
Sacrifices to chastity, grace and honesty,
My three sisters who harangue me
Into a box in which I do not fit.
I will wash away this chalky
Second skin of regret and lost moments,
Seeing scorn on their expectant faces,
Bathing in their disappointment.

My failure to womanhood binds
Me as the sacrificial lamb. They will use
The cracks in my skin to plant seeds of
Lies made of should be and could be.
Watch the weeds grow and choke
My still form, unwilling and unconsenting
In a slumber so deep I would
Never wish to wake again.


[POEM] It is back

It has reared its ugly head again.
I would say it was sadness, but it is pain.
I would say it is a dip, but it’s a trough.
It feels as if I will never be enough.
It has crawled its way into my heart,
Hoping to tear my progress apart.
As long as it has taken me to move on,
It suddenly feels as if it’s never been gone.
My self control is waning every second.
I can’t help but fall into this fecond
Pit of material comfort. I would rather
Crawl out than stand, buried, than gather
Dust down here.

Down here alone, and failing.


[POEM] Eternally yours

Crush. Debilitating
Rush of blood
To the head, throbbing
Until the world starts to
Heady. Suddenly
Unsteady and
Tumbling, unevenly
Because though I’m not
Infecting. Slicing,
Dissecting me from
My bones. You’re enticing
Me for more. My heart is
Pain. Your love
Strain is asked
For, begged for. Shove
The hurt into me without
Sunk. Prepared
Drunk that I am,
Addicted and bared
Onto you, never stop
This perfect and never ending pain.


[POEM] Blue Milk

It’s odd that one might have a vision of what might be,
When looking into the unknowing beyond.
To think that I had once expected your shape, your taste
And your glances long before I had met you.
I constructed a vessel that would hold my love to be,
Never once had my idiocy truly dawned
Upon me. I simply kept looking for this image with haste.
Convinced every second that my vision was true.

You were a glass of shapes unprecedented. Not just that,
But as I poured, expecting white, pristine milk,
You came out blue. Not unpleasant, not wrong, just
Different. Blue milk from an alien world.
Mild urges to run had to be suppressed, my mind spat
In anger as it struggled to determine your ilk.
You were not the vessel, you were not the want. Lust,
Need and truth was born, and finally unfurled.

Sipping blue milk, I found it not unpleasant.
Sipping blue milk, I found myself hesitant.
Sipping blue milk, and I was in another time.
I knew then, that we had been attached from birth with twine.
Softly floating towards each other, blindly.
You encompassed every single need totally.
You were unlike anything I had ever seen, imagined.

And that was when our love began.


[POEM] You, and you, and you.

You are such a drug. Just you.
Simply the outline and voice and scent of you.
I put my finger on it, and it dissolves into
The mystery that is you.

My heart is such a pit. Dark.
Tumbled into an unending intoxicating spark.
I tremble against it, but I melt into
This love, true and stark.

I could cling to you forever,
And happily feel the ache in my knuckles. Ever
Wishing this sweetest pain into
Me deeper. Leave me, never.

You are brighter than the sun,
Searing into my vision until eyes, closed, run
With tears that melt and twist into
Sight of you. My seeing done.

My galaxy, my swirling eternity,
Never leave me, my coloured universe in entirety.
I pray myself over and over into
Your arms, my precious deity.


[Poem] In so many words

I love you, in so many uncomplicated words
That trail through my mind, flickering and
Indistinct like stars amid an ink sky full of
Spent wonder. Eyes could never truly capture
This beauty, and my soul can only just
Manage to form words that might confess
The wonder of what you truly are.
I bleed all the world’s colours from my chest.
Hollow with wanting and full of love,
Always undulating with joy, loss, sorrow.
Unbearable mirth, continuous warmth
And turmoil of every shade from the milky way.
Each hue feels full and lush. I would be
Nothing without them. Breath pointless.
Words meaningless. Twinkling skies just
Eons of endless, cold wonder that I would
Not want to face. But with you by my side,
Among my tide of pouring colours tumbling
From my emptied chest, I face it bravely.
I face eternity, knowing that just for a
Speck of it, I am yours and you are mine.

And in that knowledge I can breathe.
I am no longer choked by fear.
I feel fear. I feel trepidation.
But I also feel you. The most precious sensation my soul has ever known.



I love him. So much so that sometimes it turns into pain.

There are times when we’re not perfect, but never are we ever fully broken apart. I don’t think we ever could be.

Undramatic, unconditional love that just -is-. It’s so silent and simple. Even when depression built a wall between us and tore me down, he still stood waiting patiently, accepting me for who I am.

I will forever count myself lucky to have experience love, respect and kindness from this man. Lucky to finally see what love should look like.

My anxiety gives me the deepest terror, it tells me I might lose him. Because I once came so close to that. I would change my entire life if I had to, and to be honest I really did make so many changes, just to make sure I could make him happy.

And he was patient, he made his own changes, we both moved forward together. We did everything we could and compromised, so we could keep the promise of love and happiness together.

I miss him always. He is mine as much as my body is mine.


[POEM] Hands

So long I have been kept away from your touch.
Eyes glazing over as you drifted further from me.
I couldn’t even yearn for it, though I wanted so much
To understand that need again, and how I could be
Myself once more.

Light came back to me, like a thousand falling stars
Slowly, maybe one or two at first. Until the sky
Is littered with drops of light, between Venus, Mars
Pluto, love and war and death run away, shy
Of us once more.

Each brilliant collision against the earth of my bones
Woke me, and fed our longing. Your hands come
Near my lost soul, darkened eyes filled with cyclones
Of furgid need. Dripping ink, cleaning off the humdrum
World once more.

Purple tears rest upon your hand, drying into blots
Heart shaped and wonderful. I could not think
Of love without you. As your hands swipe away clots
From my stained cheeks, and we bleed and drink
Sky hues once more.

My fervent need. My forever sky. My dreaming
Wakefulness. Passing by the mundane soil below,
We adventure upon the starlight tails of streaming
Cosmos. Now will my strained heart bellow
Your name. Once more.

And forever more.




[POEM] Living in other worlds (inspired by “Other Worlds” by Trivium

We’re dreaming in color
But we’re living in other worlds
Breathing in other worlds

“She’s drowning”

His eyes light upon his found prize.

He has searched through heaven, with hope in his heart.

And there he found her, next to his body, far gone from his spirit.

Her eyes were vacant as they stared through him,
Gold leaf painting the sky as it bled for her, for them.
Every cloud was finished with a murder red trim
As if someone had sliced off each one’s hem.

Blind, and breathless, a cage for a bird was her body,
No longer a vessel for life, as she found herself lost.
Living in another world. Breathing in the other worlds.

She choked on this grey sin, though he was holy.
Her form, cut with hues, was crippled from heavy cost.
Dying here, while her soul reached out to other worlds.

You’re like a song within a nightmare
A thought within a scream

Lances burst through with colour on solid flesh,
Desperate tears run ink black down pale skin,
Living within her own mind, she finds the colours
Of her torment painted on the sky, in its spears
And dripping languorously. So beautiful. So Fresh.
Eyes wide, she had seen her fate before, akin
To a dream, unlike a nightmare, fleshed behind doors.
Her fingers tremble against her death. It burns. It sears.

His knees grit beside her broken body, fingers seeking her relief.
His hands coat in her purple and red ink, her black tears of paint.
His eyes watch, as the dark figure of death swirls like a thief.
His soul prays, hoping this world lost traveler finds a saint.

To rid her of her colorful sin.

To mend the broken bird of her suicide.

To heal his knowledge of her, and forget what he knew… That he knew she would choke and die in this world, when she was connected to so many.

We’re dreaming in color
But we’re living in other worlds
Breathing in other worlds

Her, broken. He, welled with grey tears.
Fingers forever stained with her years
Of blooming, hue filled pain.
A rainbow of sorrow.