[POEM]

Mindless box kept aloft on strength
Built on years of plugging on
Without thought. Without sense.
What other strength is there,
Besides this fog of desensitization?
What other meaning besides making
It through and back to the Earth
As unscathed as humanly possible.
And taking the longest to get there.

Head hung, weighltess atop this
Weighty body. Power built for what?
Not for any real purpose, not for
The battle she keeps expecting to come.
She has trained the wrong muscle.
Left her brain and feelings to rot
Beneath the leachings of modern
Disease, not so modern and just
Crossed wires of back then and now.

Hopeless, and waiting for a pill to
Numb this numbness she has
Built to survive. Built to revive
Herself from the pain, but she does
Not remember that fire and ashes
Bring new life, not soft and safe
Surroundings.

Build your nest on needles and sheer
Cliffs, young bird, and watch yourself
Die.

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[POEM] Stepping into Love

One footstep, controlled and measured
Brings me forward for your inspection.
Eyes dart from sharp to eventually pleasured
Gaze. It’s odd, your soul is my reflection.

Looks were all we had at first, and words.
Oh so many words. Tumbling out desperately
Trying to convey how close our worlds
Want to be. We joined together so perfectly.

Head rested on arm, and words quelled
Behind kisses. Breath ran hot. Finally.
I looked into your eyes, and they spelled
Out how fallen love had made me lonely.

I picked your laugh, your smile, every
Gentle and kind detail of you. I chose
To take your darkness, too. The very
Shadows that could strike fear. Yes, those.

Those fearful heartbeats with soundless
Energy that you can’t even communicate
To your shared soul, me. Oh countless
Times you’ve closed off like an iron gate.

But I know you. There is comfort in
Knowing you. Solace in touching even
The parts you hate. And I will sin
With you, forever. Because chosen love is something I believe in.

 

[POEM] Better Love – Hozier

How do we know how alone we are?
Is it when we trust ourselves into a stranger’s arms?
Is it when we realize that trust only extends to the blink of an eye?
Or maybe when we finally release and fall into the burning sky.

Only you. You whose heart is so open.
Open to me and closed to the pain that intimacy brings.
Weeping from the back of my world of eternal, painful sleep.
There’s no better love waiting for this pitiful soul to keep.

Just justify me with a diagnosis, whole.
Just give me the pills I need and throw me to the cold.
We all deserve better love than disposable prescriptions.
It beckons to me, a soldier left to the conscription.

And you’ll watch me. Falling away from grace.
Looking up to heaven, just empty, heavy outer space.
I once hoped, shaken through with every tear and breath
Hush a bye honey, and keep lying for the purpose of death.

Knowing how alone we are, how known we are.
There is no better love for us sitting here in mortality.
All diseased but clutching the cure to ourselves selfishnly.
We run in circles, chasing our own pain endlessly.

Our truth will be burned from History, even as
Each one of us screams “WITNESS ME” into the black.
Void, so vast it burns us away from the books. Paper meaningless
And stained. Justified is this death, and these actions with the words:
We didn’t know any better.

[POEM] To dream the impossible dream

You seem to forget that you were born of star matter.
That what forged you was pure love, and need.
Yet you live a life where your loves and needs are subdued
By the earthly soil around you, grateful to have a fallen
Star grace its surface after so many millennia of darkness.

You seem to forget that the possibilities may be limited,
But they are endless, too. That the darkness does surround us
And in turn we digest it whole. But your innards are flame,
Flicker only subdued but never, ever, extinguished.
How could they be? You are made of Star Matter.

The world doesn’t see your strength, because you let it lie
Dormant beneath the surface. A mountain that was once
A volcano, accepting sacrifice and passion in its name.
A place where voices rose around you and impregnated
Your very being. But now, they look as if you don’t matter.

You walk mute, letting the disease of mortality touch your
Soul. You breathe in their poison, pushing through the
Infected masses until you forget just how brightly you burn.
But I am made of Star Matter, from eons and eons ago.
And I will not stand to let my heavenly love extinguish.

I will not allow you to fall into this mortal trap, as so many others have. My battle is never ending, and though I too have swallowed darkness, I float atop it.

I love you, my dwindling star, we were tied to each other
From the beginning of eternity. I know your eyes no longer
See beneath these fleshy coils, but mine do. They see beneath
The lies they have clothes you in, as you watched on with
Sad acceptance. I see you. I see you, and beyond that –

I love you.

[POEM] Stardust

Stardust is such a delicate thing.
A substance beguiled by stillness.
And so we lay so still, moving
Only at our own peril. No less
Together than just inseperable
Knoted to one another, invulnerable.

This stardust sits in cracks and bends
Into our folded embrace. Two forces
Collide with us, the shockwave sends
Our minds riling away from purses
And faked riches or gold. Two unstoppable
Mountains created from force indescribable.

Statues that move in stillness, without
Sight of world or time. Stardust coats
Our bodies and spirits. We have nought
But our nakedness, and love that bloats
Our hearts like swollen vaults of treasure.
We hold our stardust, full of pleasure.

But it will flutter and trace away, fickle
Without this self assured certainty
Of sparkling affection. Stardust trickles
Down our spines and leaves us eternally
Drunk on each other. Our eyelashes close,
Leaving the shadow of dust, of those
Gorgeous golden moments.
Of us. Monuments
To love.

[POEM] You are wonder

I love you, my flickering star, so full of doubt that you let the universe dictate your shine.
So fresh & new despite your dusted age.
Twinkle on uncertainly, & I will watch.
I will watch, & wait for the star clash of brilliance you will one day become.
With warmth, and without hesitation, you will out shine all that surrounded you, bringing your sunlight without hesitation, realizing that you are not the judgement of the world around you, but that you are the world.

You are not the criticisms in your mind, you are more than the sum of your doubts.

You are Light and Wonder incarnate. You are life giving sunshine. You are my gravity, to which I cling to gladly.

You are my sunshine.

 

[POEM] Air bubbles

They can tell the drowned are gone
When the air bubbles stop.
When once life brimmed and shone
Behind wide glassy orbs,
Now there is none.

But drowning in air is a scary thought
That I stare at every day.
I sit, a doll placed here, only bought
And not cared for by my
Playmate.

No one can see that my breath stopped
A long, long time ago.
By day I sit, my hopes dropped
Away, leaving this grey
Slice of dread.

They can tell the drowned are gone
When the air bubbles stop.
But no one saw me while I shone
And all a sudden lost
My glow.

No, no one is seeing as they watch me
Struggle and fit to fill my lungs.
“But how could she be
Drowning. Air surrounds her.
Just breathe.”

They could not tell that I had drowned
Deep beneath their shallow
Depths. I slowly exited, bowed
Out of the fight
Forevermore.

They can tell the drowned are gone
When the air bubbles stop.

The Ode – To Him.

I love you, my ode to finely made heavy lines,
Of roughly etched beauty and finite mortality,
My sweet reminder of the eternal torture that
Fleshly wonder brings.

 

I trace around your form until it defines
My mind’s warped rules of probability.
Skewed. Full of worry from our concordat.
Soul and Reason above kings.

 

I’ll take my eye to the full art that is you
And erase all past erring on such
Mundane topics, ugly, vapid and plain
In the wake of your shadow.

 

Topics on paint, wings, light that flew
Through artists’ windows. Much
To do with nothing. But you, pain
and pleasure brightly glow.

 

Let me have it. This short
Stunted knowing.
This lovely, awful needing.
I am yours to extort.

Apparition 2. Amethyst – The eternally Grieving – Wraith

 

She prays upon her alter of crystal hearts, growing her words for her Lord of Love in her chest. Her barbed wire church huddled around her, in one simple box with no roof, staring up at the grey, pale sky. Her knees are folded beneath her white skinned body, her brown eyes empty as her ripped open chest. Out of this field made of old dry wishes, she was the only living creature. No sounds of crickets could be heard in the dirt, and not a feather fluttered from the airspace overhead. The only eerie noise that sounded was the beating of her heart.

Her hand raised weakly to her fence, almost touching the beating heart that hung upon it. It shone red and brilliant, a bright gem in this dull world of bated breath and prickled goose bump skin. There was desperation on her face as she watched it beating erratically. Sadness sounded from each thump. Its rhythm was too fast. It sat amongst its siblings, crystal clear hearts already drained of blood and lashed open with pain. They had been ripped from her mottled chest, and hung upon their tiny spike. The lifecycle was a simple one: They grow, they are plucked and hung. They die.

This one she had spent the longest on, growing it to be strong in her chest, whispering her psalms of love over it in hopes this one might just hold. It was larger, its walls thicker, but the flesh was just a little softer than the others, it still had flaws. And now, she could see those flaws, after all this time, ripping it apart at the seams. She had hoped so much, lovingly growing it within her open chest for Him.

The still air sat heavily upon her shaking shoulders, one hand clasping her mouth as she felt the tears begin to flow. There was no surprise in her gaze, just a deep never ending despair as the heart began to break.

She wanted to clutch it, to grab it, hold it, but her hand only hovered just above its flesh as it beat fervently, painfully, in fits and starts. She could do nought but watch as the organ gave way to its fate, and ruptured open before her eyes.

The blood wrenched out, a guttural scream chocked from her throat, white hands rushing up to cup the splashing red liquid of pain. She pushed it back, tried to cup it in, anything to stem the flow, but all she succeeded in doing was to coat her hands in sticky, hot blood. It was all she could do but panic, crying out and pleading no, all while she watched her love die.

_____

Long hours passed as she stared at the empty heart. It was already beginning to crystallise like the others, into a clear lifeless flesh. Her numb expression was unchanging, her shoulders shook and nose sniffed occasionally while tears streamed readily down her face. Slowly, the wind picked up, and in time all of the wishes around her swept away, leaving behind nothing but dry dirt, weeds, and the stain of blood on her pure, light skin.

Her body slumped, she stared at the sad, limp thing on her barbed wire fence. Soon, she would move it to another perch, leaving space in the middle of her barbed wire fence for the next. But she felt no more prayers on her lips. She had no strength to grow another heart to be plucked like a ripe apple from her chest. Instead she just stared at this thing, this empty, sore, sad thing and let herself become lost in the seering pain of having another part of herself die.